The past few weeks have been very emotionally stressful. I have experienced weariness to the full extent of the word itself.
I noticed a pattern. I was often more upset after gawking at social media platforms for the bulk of my free time. Rather than engage in activities that give me the most satisfaction like reading, writing and even meditating on the word of God, I got caught in the web of social media, as so many others are in this modern world. I would spend at least a minimum of 30 minutes catching up on the lives of others via social media. 30 minutes wasted doing nothing really .
As a consequence, I began to compare my life to the ‘glamorous’ lives of the people on Facebook and Instagram. I began to become very dissatisfied with where I was in life. Heck, I am 27 years old and still very single. I have yet to publish this book that has been in my heart since I was 13 years old. I have yet to be this and I am yet to do that….sigh…I forgot so quickly ALL the many things I have going for me and focused solely on all the things I didn’t have or had yet to accomplish.
And with this dissatisfaction and the horrible comparison I found myself unconsciously making, I began to grow very impatient with myself. I began to reprimand myself for all of my failures, for my slow pace towards success, to my singlehood etc. And in my self-criticism, I began to want to do everything all at once: promote my blog and instagram page, successful transition into the accounting role at work, begin my MBA program, finish up my book etc. I could hardly breathe. I was walking around with my head and heart so heavy. I didn’t want to feel. I just wanted to DO and feel later.
And in trying to just DO, I eventually broke down. As the tears flowed, all I heard clearly was “RELAX”. In hearing that, I stopped and truly reflected not on what I have absorbed over time into my mind via social media but rather on my own personal growth. I have come a long wayyyyyyyyyyyy from being the simple, naive young African girl in Nigeria with nothing but dreams. Dreams that I am living to an extent. For what it is worth, I am very blessed to be 1) alive 2) healthy 3) surrounded by a loving family and great friends. And once I truly SAW the One who holds me in His arms, I exhaled. In exhaling, I released all the heaviness that I have felt these past few weeks.
I still don’t have it all figured out. I still have moments where I am ‘un-relaxing’ but I am consciously learning to relax despite how I feel and be patient with myself. Our race in life is personal. No two races can be identical. So for you out there, I hope that like me, you can learn to relax and breathe.